Tag Archives: dreams

Happy International Women’s Day!

8 Mar

In honor of the 100th anniversary of Women’s Day, I thought I would re-post an article I linked to a while back about Gender Disparities in the Design Field.

At WPPI, I got to attend the “Contemporary Women in Photography” panel.  It was amazing, so many wonderful and powerful and talented women: Lindsay Adler, Jules Bianchi, Joy Bianchi Brown, Jessica Claire, Kay Eskridge, Catherine Hall, Sarah Petty, Dawn Shields and Jasmine Star.

It’s important, as women, to surround ourselves with strong role-models and mentors.  To be strong in who we are as a person.  To believe in ourselves.  To love ourselves.  To know our limits.  Most important though, is to help each other.  If we are too busy back-stabbing and cat fighting each other, we can’t do what is needed.  I truly believe that if we were able to support instead of hurt, we would have had a female Supreme Court Justice before 1981, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company before 1972, admitted to the bar before 1869, the first mayor in 1887.  We can do almost everything that men can, we just have to work a little bit harder at some things.

I’m proud to be a woman.  To be the only daughter of an only daughter of an only daughter, with a daughter of my own.  I hope that when my daughter gets to be my age, the list of women’s firsts that are still to come will be much smaller.  In fact, I hope that we no longer will need to have an International Women’s Day, because it would mean that the gender differences are not needed to be remarked upon.

 

You Capture – Reaching

18 Mar

I’ll be finishing the Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes Love Letter tomorrow…

But until then, reaching.

I feel like I’m reaching sometimes.  Reaching for someone to hold me.  Reaching for a goal in my life.  Reaching for a purpose.

And then I remember.

I am me.  I am here.  I am AWESOME.

So Much Love!

And even though I feel down at times….I can do it.  I can be incredible.  I can do a job I don’t love to make time to spend with those I do.

Black Eye

Suddenly, I don’t feel like I have to reach nearly as far.

Even without a computer until it arrives….I still can do it.

My College Career – Part END

17 Jul

Start hereMost recent episode.

My new description as a Sociology major was an interesting one to step into.

The first thing that struck me as I sat through my first class was the personality type.  Art people (especially art people in Eugene) are stereotypical.  Eugene, OR is already a supremely hippie town and when having a major that is dependent on a desire for it you tend to get a certain type of person.  More so, that type of person tends to teach the classes.

Now, I don’t know if this was because a lot of the people in my classes were second and third year students because of the levels of my classes (including a statistics class that they tried to tell me I couldn’t take because I hadn’t taken college Algebra….which I refuted with the fact that I had taken Calculus…..) but they were so immature.  There were classes where people slept obnoxiously through.  Answered their phones.  Didn’t turn in the work.  A sense of laziness and entitlement.

It was sort of disgruntling.  Here I was driving 4 hours round-trip twice a week to take classes to get that piece of paper that said I was edumicated and there were people that didn’t even bother showing up.  That was fine when it only affected themselves, but there were so many group projects that I ended up doing myself.

One of the greatest examples of this was when I volunteered to take notes for the campus group that pairs those notes with people that need them (since I’m such a visual person, my notes tend to be….fairly long and detailed).  Later on I discovered that the person I was taking these notes for was on the basketball team.  She needed them for when she was away on games.  Not a problem.  I understand.  But when she showed up for maybe 3 classes total?  When I had to email the notes to her because she couldn’t show up for me to hand them to her?  And when a person on the same team as her shows up?  AND when I hand you my painstakingly taken notes, you snub your nose up and think you are so much better than me because you are on a college sports team?  No.  Not cool.

But things progressed.  I quickly learned my route to and from school and occasionally would become startled to realize that I was almost at my exit from I-5, not being able to remember passing through Salem at all.

I took some amazing classes and learned a lot.  I now had a big word to throw out (Ethnomethodology) and knew what it meant (how people interact with each other in it’s most basic sense).  It ended up being the class I remember most because of the professor.  He was a tiny little man who had spent years with the Aboriginals in Australia, studying their societies.  He also spent years with Tibetan monks studying their debate skills.  Our final project was to videotape an intersection on campus and break down what we saw.  This intersection, when looking outside of being on a college campus, would seem like death to anyone.  It was a T shaped intersection, with the base of the T and the left side of it being one-ways and the right being a two way street.  The only stop sign was on the right side and there were no crosswalks.  Miraculously enough, it flowed.  It flowed better than it did when there were stop signs and crosswalks, in fact.  Learning that and seeing the habit that if someone stopped where there wasn’t a crosswalk the cars behind them would stop, would turn on their blinker if the car in front of them did, and tons of people would cross wherever they could was endlessly entertaining.  It has helped my driving, to say the least.

Overall, I was content.  I knew that I would graduate in the winter of 2005.  I knew that what I was learning may not lead to a perfect job after, but it would give me basic skills and was entertaining.  I had my dad’s permission to get married that summer (not that he would have tried to stop it, but since I was almost done, and I wanted to marry in the summer, it worked out well).  Life was good.

I did not attend my graduation ceremony.  Driving that 2 hour trip again just to sit outside with a bunch of people that I didn’t know to get a piece of paper was not interesting to me (I had already gone through a ceremony at Cottey College that meant so much more to me).

I received that piece of paper in the mail about a month later and just sat, staring at it.  I was done.  Finished.  I graduated and was considered educated.

Now what?
What did that paper mean other than I had spent thousands of dollars to put information into my head?  That I could determine the difference between Renaissance and Rococo?  That I know how to break down people’s interactions and how to interrupt someone successfully?

I still have nightmares occasionally.  Missing classes, missing papers, forgetting that I was in school at all.  It’s been almost 4 years since I graduated and they still occur.

It doesn’t help that I actually almost did miss a final.  In my second year at UofO, I had studied my psycology notes, ready for my final.  I arrived 45 minutes early, as is my usual and sat in my usual seat in the huge lecture hall.  I noticed people were handing things in, and my heart stopped.  Then I noticed people were taking out papers and calculators.  I pulled out my planner and saw that I had gotten them mixed up.  It was my Art History final today.  Italian Renaissance Art, in fact.  On the other side of campus.  I had ten minutes to make it and pray that I would pass the final that I hadn’t studied for.

I was so proud of that B.

Maybe someday the nightmares will go away.  Maybe someday I’ll figure out what I’m suppose to do.  Until then?  I shall live my life, knowing that the college experience made me a stronger person, allowed me to experience situations that otherwise I never would have experienced and met people that I never would have met (for the good and the bad).

I am thankful.

And if you’ve read all this, you get a cookie.  And cake.  And a hug.

Oh yeah, and a cute baby.

*drool included

My College Career – Part Two

12 Jun

When I last left you, I had just graduated with my Associates Degree from Cottey College.

I’d decided to transfer to the University of Oregon because

  • I missed the Northwest.
  • I missed my family.
  • It had what I wanted.
  • In-state tuition baby!
  • I missed the Northwest.

That spring, I packed everything up to move down south and into an apartment with a friend.  There were going to be three additional roommates.  Making 5 college girls in a three bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms.

By the middle of summer, I had gotten a job at the local movie theater (another post on that in the future, I’m sure) and was settled in, ready to start my new college career.

I had met with my adviser and planned out the coming years.  I was ready.  My goal of becoming an animator or at least working for an animation company was on its way.

I had gotten most of my prereqs done at Cottey and so just had to do any general classes that didn’t transfer and work on my art major.  I was ready to expand.

I took printing, painting, drawing, animation and all sorts of art history.  I met tons of crazy and sane, interesting and boring, smart and dumb people.  The diversity was large and so were the classes.

But after a year and a half, I was tired.  So tired of the drama, the crap, the exhaustion.  At one point during that past year and a half, I had locked myself in the bathroom at the apartment with my roommate/friend T while another roommate’s (K) boyfriend (who was living with us and not paying rent) had stolen some drug dealer’s CDs and they came to collect.  By pounding on the windows and door.  I had also become a mediator for two of the roommate’s friendship, M and J.  M ended up moving out, but not before she called me a thief and said I stole her cheese.  I’m lactose intolerant and it was so bad back then I couldn’t eat cheese at all.

After that first year, I moved into a new house with J and her friends C and L.  We also sent out an ad for a 5th roommate to share an older five bedroom house.  This house was entertaining, because it didn’t have a single right angle anywhere in it.  In fact, we use to roll marbles from C’s room to L’s on the other end of the house for amusement.

But this situation didn’t get much better, even with the addition of

The cutest puppy in the world.

the cutest puppy in the world.

She helped me through a really difficult time and made life worth living again.  She was also a great New Years date:

New Years Kiss

New Years Kiss

But I wasn’t happy.

One day, I walked by the student center in between classes.  I don’t know why I walked by there, because I usually took a different way home, but I did.  And I saw a poster, like hundreds of other posters.  This one saying Walt Disney World was looking for interns to work the parks.  The meeting happened to be starting a couple hours later that night.  I didn’t have work.  I figured “Why not?” so went home to change into interview appropriate clothing and came back.

Throughout the meeting thing, other students stood up and said how much they loved it, blah de blah, even picking up trash (“yeah right” I remember thinking).  Those who were still interested, at the end of the speech part, could stay and be interviewed in groups of four.  I, once again, said “Why not?” and stuck around, chatting with one of the students who had done it before.

Then my turn came.  The group that I was with was like planning on going to a party with a group of friends that are less attractive than you by a significant amount.  It was like these people had never been interviewed before, which I realize now is entirely possible.  I sounded all the more intelligent because of that.  The guy asking the questions began asking them all to me first and replying with “Great answer!” or “What a brilliant comment”.  Really boosted my self-esteem, let me tell you!

Upon leaving, they told us to expect a note saying whether we were accepted and what area of the park we would be accepted into (Concessions, Clean-up, Operations (running the rides), etc.).  We wouldn’t find out what specific job we would get until arrival if we accepted.

Several weeks passed.  And then, I got a postcard in the mail.

To Be Continued…..

Dreams

22 May

I have always had intense dreams.  I dream in full vivid color, with sound and everything.  Everyone talks about how when you are pregnant you dream more intense dreams.  That didn’t happen for me.  Instead, I dreamt more often.

My mother is the same way.  My dad woke up to her smacking him.  When he asked her why she was hitting him, she told him that he had cheated on her.  It was a dream of course, but was so real that she was really angry with him for a full week.

I’ve had those dreams as well.  In fact, last night I had one.  I dreamt that we were going on a trip (it was this really cool vacation on a place that had a building similar to the one in Star Wars Episode II – Attack of the Clones on Kamino (the water world with the crazy graceful aliens that were making the little Jenga Fetts) but set on a beach).  We were in an entrance room, mingling and sipping drinks and eating REALLY yummy fruit kabobs.  Then the guides came out to send us to the next area on some sort of spaceship thing.  Each person walked up a little podium and got hooked up into a chair with straps and then were sent through a tunnel to the ship.  My husband went first, then we hooked up the baby, in her car seat, to the chair.  For some reason, I couldn’t go next and had to wait until the end.

Once I zoomed through the tunnel (which looked like the tunnel in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) and got unhooked, I couldn’t find my daughter.  No one knew where she went, not even my husband.  I was frantic.  One of my friends came and said they put her away.  But he wouldn’t tell me where.  Two other good friends (one of which is a weapons master and half-Asian…meaning he’s a ninja) confronted him, the ninja guy striking a pose and threatening him.  Finally he told us where she was.  She had been put in a drawer in a cupboard.  I was furious and tore him limb from limb (surprisingly not very bloody, at least in my dream).

I woke up, sweating and rolled quickly out of bed to check on my daughter.  The logical part of my brain KNEW she was fine.  Since we obviously were not on vacation, nor were we on a space ship.  But the part that remains just HAD to check on her.

I’ve also had dreams where my husband cheated on me (once with my ex-roommate’s boyfriend…that was interesting) and dreams where I’ve cheated on him (Brad Pitt and Edward Norton together…yum!).

The oddest thing though, is anytime I dream that takes place in a mall.  I always have the same mall layout in this dream.  It looks a little bit like the mall in one of the Jurassic Park films (I think it was 3) , a little bit like Pioneer Place in Portland, and a little bit crazy.

If I ever see this mall in person, I will probably have a heart attack.

Dreaming about Rocking Out

Dreaming about Rocking Out

So what about you?  Do you dream in color or black & white?  Are your dreams vivid or more emotional?  Who do you wish would come visit you in your dreams?