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Hard Days

24 Apr

We move on Saturday.

Four days left.

Tonight, I’m suppose to be packing. Instead, I’m eating ice cream, watching Castle and drinking a glass of wine.

It’s been a rough day. Random things throughout the day, layer upon layer just being crappy.

Including learning that the book I preordered a while ago (the amazing Elizabeth Messina’s The Luminous Portrait) was going to be delivered next week….and if I changed the address so it would arrive to the new address, it would take even longer. So I canceled the order, figuring I’d just get it at Barnes and Noble on the way home. Yeah, Receiving didn’t even know which box they were in.

It helped. That I discovered she did the cover to Portland Bride & Groom. So I got to enjoy her images anyway!

Bookstore failed at getting @elizabethmessina 's book on its shelf so I have to wait, but pleasantly surprised to see her photo on the cover of Portland Bride & Groom!

Add into it the joy of being a woman and light food poisoning from the chili at Sweet Tomatoes, and I’m done.

So I’m taking a day off. Breathing and enjoying my daughter being in a good mood tonight, watching Dragon Tales quietly in her Minnie Mouse dress. The sounds of Ryan watching TV in the bedroom. Remembering the blessings I have in my life.

A great post by the amazing Kristen Kalp gives me permission!

I’ll see you tomorrow…when I’m in a better mood…

A Random Letter to my Beautiful Daughter

8 Oct

Last night you did something that made my heart sing.

I heard you wake up, like I always do. As you probably know, I don’t sleep as solidly as I use to and am always aware when you wake up. I heard you rubbing your eyes and crawl out of bed. You stumbled over to me and said, in your precious voice mumbling with sleep: “I miss my blankie, mommy.”. You then turned around and stumbled back to your bed. I slid out and walked over to tuck you back in with your duck and bubble blanket that you always sleep with (a gift from one of my friends from college back when you were just born). You laid down and after I ticked you in, you fell asleep. You slept again until after I had already left for work. You are SUCH a big girl, I cannot believe it!

You nurse only occasionally. It’s our bonding time. You come up, ask nicely and smile at me with that cherubic grin. I cannot say no! You fall asleep without boob now, and it makes night time so much easier for all of us. It makes me super happy to see.

Leaving you home with daddy while I go to work is not as scary for me as much anymore. You aren’t scared of him anymore. You love to play the games you use to, but now you are far more active as well. Because you’ve found your words, you have conversations and tell us what’s going on. Like today, when I got off work, you came to meet me and told me all about having breakfast and the day you had. Then, you tried asking what was for dinner, but daddy had to help you just a little bit. Both of you together then surprised me with yakisoba noodles and chicken breasts you had brought out and thawed for dinner. I almost had tears in my eyes, because it made me so happy and feel so loved.

I am so proud of you, my dear. Even when you are horrible and scare me, like yesterday when you kept running away from me in the grocery store and I had to strap you into the cart (after which you proceeded to scream like a banshee the rest of the trip), you still were my daughter. I was able to acknowledge that you were just playing a game and try to explain why I had to punish you and make you stay in the cart. I never lost my temper. I was proud of myself, and once you got into the car and I explained again, you started to understand I think. You are smarter than most people give you credit for.

I love you so much. From the top of your curly head to the tips of your toenails that I barely get to cut but can always paint to match mine. You are mine and always will be my baby. Even when you insist I call you Avi.

I still love you. And always will.

Deep Breaths

28 Aug

Today I had a moment of realization.

My husband had a stroke and is recovering. But he is not really healing. There are parts of him that will never heal. He most likely will never again have 4 clear carotid arteries. The front two will always be blocked. The one in the back will almost always stay torn. He will always have less oxygen going to his brain than before.

The usual money trials have compounded recently and we are going to have to apply for some new things.

I’m tired.

But I got to have a good break down with my daddy that I haven’t been able to have for a while. My eyes are puffy. I have a headache. But my soul is refreshed.

Now, if only my strained shoulder and bruised foot would heal better so they stop hurting so much.

How’s your life going? I haven’t been able to read blogs in forever and I miss you guys…..even just a link to a post would make me feel loved.

Such Joy

17 Aug

“What is that, momma?”

“I’m watching Harry Potter.”

“I LUV Hawwy Potta. Who’s dat, momma?”

“That’s Dobby the house elf.”

“Dobby? I luv Dobby! I luv house elf!”

I luv my daughter….
new hair!

Things She Said

29 Jul

I am absolutely loving how much my daughter is talking. She has so much to say now and it’s absolutely adorable.

Things she says constantly:

“One Second, momma!” – said anytime I ask if she wants to come do something.

“No thank you, momma.” – if I hand her something that she doesn’t want.

“Momma, you need to wurk?” – when I get dressed in the morning. This makes me sad, because I feel like all I do is work and so when she says it my heart breaks a little. But it’s SO CUTE how she says it too. And she’ll also tell me to go work when she wants to be alone in the front room.

“I a pwincess!” – anytime she wears a dress. She also wears “jewewy”.

“I take pictwures, momma!” – Whenever she holds a camera.

This Way

I love my little girl!