Lately I’ve been…thoughtful. Not necessarily depressed, just trying to figure things out. Maybe it’s the end of the year. Maybe it’s the lack of good sleep or just the oft repeated pattern of my days and weeks. Whatever it is, I’m not as upbeat as I have been in the past.
It’s not the weather, because it’s actually been a fairly mild winter so far. It’s been really cold and sunny or cloudy and in the 40’s. Yes, money is a bit tight, but we were expecting that having a stay-at-home parent with a little one. My grandmother isn’t doing the best, but is doing better than she has been.
I wonder if it is because I don’t have a goal. I am kinda wandering around lost. My job doesn’t bring me joy. I don’t have much time after work to do something I enjoy. I don’t even really know what I enjoy, actually.
Maybe that’s it.
I have some things….I enjoy photography, but there is only so much I can do in the house with poor lighting and a not awesome camera. The time and energy it takes to do what I want to with the photography is difficult because it is so vast and takes away from spending time with my husband and daughter. I enjoy reading, and have tried to do more of that, but am having a hard time finding something new to read. I enjoy playing The Sims 3 computer game, but it won’t run on my computer, so can only play when Mr. Soup is not on his. Which then makes me feel guilty.
I wish I had a life vest. Or a book that tells me where to go from here. This fuzzy, messy, lost brain of mine is pulling me down and I’m having difficulty coming up for fresh air. I am far from suicidal, so please don’t worry about that. Just not feeling very useful.
I’m taking a 10 day vacation off of work starting Christmas Eve and hope that that will settle things down.
What do you do to make you happy? What brings you back to your own “one-ness”? Finding your center and all that? Please share…even if you haven’t commented before, I would love to hear from you.