Open Letters

To the larger gentleman in the yellow Smart Car

Hi!  Thank you so much for helping the environment!  My daughter and any future children I have greatly appreciate it.  Just so you know though, the paw prints and wolf decal on the back window do NOT make you seem tougher.  Nor does it make you look more manly.  I’m sorry, but its true.

A large 300+ pound man in a tiny car will ALWAYS look like he’s coming from a circus.

Please, think of the children!

Sincerely,

The lady in the grey Hyundai without any decals

To the Optomotrists that submit requests for information from my company;

I thank you for your request.  It is wonderful that you are showing interest in our product.  What would be even more wonderful is if you work on your typing and grammar.  Words are meant to have one capital letter at the beggining.  Not all lower case and for all that is holy, NOT IN ALL CAPITALS.  I realize the Shift button is a very difficult one to use.  And I realize as well that you aren’t “real” doctors.  But you must have taken some typing classes.  Even if you received your degree before there were computers, they had typewriters that you had to create papers from.  I know this for a fact.

So please.  PLEASE use the shift key properly.  And while you are at it, spell the words correctly.  We aren’t asking for much.  Your name, practice name, address and phone number.  That’s it.  That’s all.

Sincerely,

The lady who has to interpret emails

Baby Soup says "I cut you, biatch"

and one last one.

To the smokers outside my building;

There are about 50 signs around stating what the new Oregon law is.  You cannot ignore the fact that it is now illegal to smoke within 10 feet of the front doors.  The smoking trash cans have even been moved.  There is now no excuse.  None.  Unless you can’t read.  Which, since you currently have employment at one of two companies that have reading based goals, I think is highly unlikely.

So please, do not stand in front of the doors.  Do not blow your smoke in my face.  And by GOD, do not throw your still burning butts on the ground.  Especially not when it’s been 100+ degrees.

Yes, you have the right to smoke.  But I have the right to breathe and NOT BURN IN A FIREY DEATH!

Thank you,

The nursing mother who does not want to die in a fire.

Okay, I feel better.

How’s your Tuesday going?