It’s been a while, I know, but I haven’t forgotten about you, I promise!
Life has been crazy. For the past 6 months, I’ve been working four jobs. Now, at 30, I’m down to only 3 and they are all separate options in the photography industry.
I get off my main full time job at 3:30 and have the rest of the day and the full weekend to do my other two jobs (photography and business consulting and helping other photographers).
This also means I get to spend more time with my amazingly inspiring husband and incredibly crazy daughter.
The two of them love each other so much and I am so happy I get to see them more often!
I love these two! So much.
And now that I have more time, I’ll be able to post more and be around your blogs more too! Hurray!
Sometimes it seems like my life is falling down around me. That I’m trying to tread water, desperately gasping for breaths between waves.
Like the fact that Ryan has a cold. Normally, not that bad. But when it robs him completely of his energy and makes him sleep even worse than usual, it then means I sleep horribly. Every cough jars me awake. Every movement makes me jolt, eyes wide open and my breath held, hoping to hear the pieces of my family on either side of me continuing to breathe. Because of course Avi has the snot nose too. Sniffles and coughs and snores as congestion moves around in her sinuses.
Will I ever not have my heart stop because of a cough? Will I ever not wonder if this cough will cause a stroke in my little two year old? See her little body lay still and unresponsive as her big strong daddy’s did nearly 6 months ago?
Then I finally fall back asleep, to dream dreams of random things. Like my parent’s buying a duplex and we moved in next to them and had a pony in the back yard. The morning comes again. I awaken before my alarm goes off. Usually around 5 or 6. Even when my alarm isn’t set to go off, I’m awake by then. Or, you know, 2am. Who knows what today will be like.
But the worries about the future disappear when I hear about a natural disaster. The tornado that rocked Joplin, MO. This hit home so much stronger than even Hurricane Katrina or the flooding in TN. I went to school for two years in Nevada (say it Neh-VAY-duh), MO, which is about an hour north of Joplin. Joplin was the “big city” where we could go dancing or get tattoos (I just traveled along…) or needed to go somewhere other than Wal*Mart. I remember one trip where there were 6 of us in a Mustang. 4 of the us were big burly men. It was the most uncomfortable, most hilarious drive ever.
The death toll keeps rising every time I see an article. The destruction is devastating. It gives me pause and I’m able to thank the Lord for the small things that seem to keep me going. Because even though my family is sick and breaking inside, I know where they are. That unknown isn’t with me.
And for those few moments, I am at peace.
We had a very busy week last week.
Avi fell off a couch while we were playing at the hospital for Ryan’s therapy on the 29th of April. After a couple days of it still hurting her, we made an appointment last Wednesday. Three x-rays later (first one was blurry and one of the left side to compare) we discover that she has a cracked collar bone. No wonder she would whimper when it had pressure placed in the right spot. She did NOT like getting her picture taken by the x-ray machine. Two lolli pops, a nursing session and 3 stickers later, she was exhausted. We got home and slept through the whole night.
Then Friday, she went to the day care at the hospital while Ryan did his therapy and I went to get her half an hour early so we could go get her tested. Ryan has Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency which may have been the reason for his carotid artery dissections (that caused his stroke). (And if you want to get really depressed, following links from that and Google searches to all the things that can occur…) So we had to draw blood from a 2 year old. Anyone that has had to go through this (or worse) with your child, I feel for you. The pain and fear and just overwhelming everything is heartbreaking. She yelled “scawy!” when she saw the needle. She screamed during the prep and really did not like the rubber band around her arm. The worst part for me? When they had the needle in and she just kept going “OW! OW! OW!” and looking at like I had betrayed her.
She did so good though. Got a sucker after that (thank goodness for Dum Dums!) and as we walked out, kept showing everyone her arm and the sucker. She is a trooper for sure! They’ll be testing her for all types of the alpha-1 deficiency, so we can have a better idea of what to look for. I am trying not to think about it….
She still has a bruise on her arm, but is fine if you don’t mention it. The cracked collar bone seems to be healing well too, only have had a couple pain moments.
Saturday was busy busy! Got a call on Friday to see if I could attend a hiring seminar for Apple on Saturday, so got up early to go do that. I should hear sometime this week…would be nice to have something steady already lined up when I get “let go” from my current job. I’ve also been busy with The Photog’s Helper, meeting some AMAZING women photographers that are so talented and helping them grow their businesses. It’s been such a wonderful outlet for me. Hoping too to be able to announce my biggest news soon.
We went over to my MIL’s house for a birthday party for Ryan. A long trip but delicious BBQ chicken was had by all! Avi had a blast too and it was nice to spend time with family, even if Ryan was exhausted at the end of the day. He was so tired that he thought about staying home instead of going to my parent’s for a Mother’s Day feast.
The next morning we all woke up lazily, stretching and snuggling in bed, listening to the rain outside. Ryan stayed in bed, playing his Pokemon game for several hours while Avi watched Aladdin and I got some work done. It was so nice to be able to work without a distraction and even took some time to play mindless Facebook games without feeling guilty.
Ryan called me into the room at one point to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. He had forgotten until then, but remembered on his own. It was so wonderful. We walked over to my brother’s apartment to all troop to my parent’s house. Delicious hamburgers, deviled eggs and two glasses of Oak Knoll Niagra wine equals a lovely afternoon. We hung out under the heater watching the rain fall while the burgers cooked.
So now, the week has started again. Who knows what this week has in store for us….
I hate not feeling wanted. And today, even though I have some wonderful and exciting news that I can’t share quite yet, two things happened today that crushed the happiness. I knew they were both coming. And I can’t really go into the details….but it’s disappointing. Draining. Soul crushing even.
But instead of dwelling on that, I want to focus on the happy.
The beautiful weather we had this weekend. Including on Friday when we managed to get home right before this happened:
Snuggling with a 3 month old baby and being content with having a single child.
The AMAZING 70 degree day on Saturday and playing at the park after enjoying the Alpenrose Dairy Easter Egg hunt aftermath (we parked the car after the gun went off to start….probably about 10 minutes later it was over. If that.
Putting makeup on to celebrate Easter:
How was your Easter?